The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
