just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
