i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
