she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
