Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize