Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
