Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
