Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
