Don't make out with my wife yet
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize