Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize