Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
