he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
