I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
