You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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