party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
