3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
