Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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