bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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