my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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