OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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