forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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