This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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