Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
