Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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