Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
