I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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