The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
