smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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