Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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