god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize