"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
