He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
