I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
