Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
