She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize