you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
