like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
