Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
