While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
