3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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