I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
