he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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