You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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