i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize