Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
