What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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