You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
