I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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