Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
