All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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