If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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