i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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