No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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