We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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