The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
