bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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