oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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