I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
