2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When are your genitals available?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
