So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just forgot I was standing up.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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