I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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