I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
