I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
