I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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