He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
