i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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