Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
