WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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