NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
