i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
