Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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