what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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