in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize