She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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