dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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