I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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