Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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